Upon hearing of the slaughtering of the innocent victims of the Orlando night club massacre, I felt so lost for over a week. Trying to understand why it happened consumed me for a while. I also did not do myself any favors by reading some of the hatred spewed from the mouths of "preachers" and "political leaders" immediately in the aftermath of it all. It all became too much, and it weighed heavily on my mind.
I am generally a very upbeat and positive person. I try desperately to look for the good in all situations, and I seek to understand why things happen, and why some people react or do things as they do. Sometimes, no matter how much we seek, answers may not arrive. At times, we have to be okay with that.
Like many, my very first instinct was that the shooter was gay to some degree, and because of his self-loathing, he was not able to accept himself. I was the victim of a bully in high school who suffered the same self-loathing. He took out his frustrations on me with verbal abuse, and he even hit me one time. Fortunately, it wasn't deadly on a physical level, but it did some emotional damage for a while. It turns out he was gay, and hated himself, and I just happened to be the object of his frustration. I'm not in any way justifying the shooters hatred and actions, I just feel it's so unfortunate people still have to deal with hating themselves so much.
The days following the massacre, the world felt so turned upside down. There was a lot of talk about gun control of course, with both sides of the issue firing up their defenses. In my opinion, it boils down to the hatred that everyone seems to spew regarding the LGBTQ+ community. When preachers condemn us and politicians create laws to ostracize us, it's no wonder there is so much hatred directed toward us. It's not right, but I can understand where this insane fear and misunderstanding stems from. The sad part is that some people can't see through that, and instead, they embrace these ideas, or at least use them to justify their hatred.
Although I would say that most people were horrified by the events of June 12, there were many who used it as an excuse to further spread the hatred. When will it end? Is it the gun laws? Is it mental health services in decline? I don't think it's just one thing. But, at the root of it, I think it's the lack of love and acceptance in the world.
So what do we do? Well, the loss of those 49 beautiful people should not be in vain. In fact, after the week had passed, I noticed a groundswell of support from people all over the country. As the LBGTQ+ community and our allies, we need to keep this momentum growing. We need to keep standing up for our rights to be treated as first-class citizens, as humans. We cannot give into the fear that the haters want us to bow to. We cannot be put back into closets and beaten in alleyways, and denigrated from the pulpits. We need to shut out the haters, and spread messages of love and acceptance, and work together. We need to be louder than the opposition.
Love will win. Love always win.
Thank you for letting me vent. I know I am not alone in how I feel. But I also know that I can't let the feelings of a few affect me and bring me down. There is too much good in the world to be drown out by the evil. Stay strong. Stay positive. Spread love.
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